(Image taken from https://www.pathwaystogod.org/my-prayer-life/daily-offering/offering-those-who-wander2018)

The prompt was “conversation.” I took it a bit further and made a short story entirely out of dialogue because dialogue is my jam.

“You know, this could be worse.”

“Oddsballs, Lawrence! We’re scheduled to be banished. Forever. How could it possibly be worse?”

“Well, I mean, we could have been killed, so….”

“Yes, being taken away from our country, never to see our friends and family again, is much better. I feel so much more optimistic now.”

“See? I knew that would help. You just have to look at the situation from all angles.”

“Oh for the love of -! I was being sarcastic.”

“Were you? I can never tell sometimes. Your sarcastic tone sounds exactly like your normal one.”

“Maybe only to you.”

“See? That there. I feel like that was sarcastic.”

“Really?”

“I’m not sure about that one.”

“Oh shut up, will you? I’m very distressed at the moment and you are not helping.”

“Now that sounded sincere.”

“I’m going to sincerely punch your nose in if you don’t shut up.”

“How’s that? We’re tied up.”

“Never underestimate the skills of a desperate elf!”

“I never underestimate you, Joffers. That’s why I knew you were the elf to help me decorate for the Queen’s ceremony.”

“Yes, that’s why I’m here with you right now – waiting for banishment!”

“Well, how was I to know that the fireworks would misfire and nearly kill the Queen?”

“Maybe you should have told me that you were putting fireworks in the banner and I could have told you that they would nearly kill the Queen.”

“I wanted them to be a surprise!”

“Congratulations!!! They were!!!”

“….was that sarcasm again?”

“What do you think?”

“I think you’re being awfully unreasonable, Joffers.”

“Unreasonable?! I’m being unjustly punished because you decided to hide fireworks in a banner that we both set up!”

“I do wish you would stop going on about this banishment thing. It’s not like you didn’t have other options to choose from.”

“Because life imprisonment or death is so much better.”

“I think it was quite fair of Her Majesty to give us choices – very democratic of her.”

“I think there could have been better investigation – everyone knows I’m the least exciting elf ever! Why would I put fireworks in a banner? That doesn’t sound like me at all! I mean, can’t I get some character references to bolster my defense?”

“What defense? We didn’t have a trial; we had a sentencing.”

“Exactly my point!”

“I think when you try to accidentally murder the Queen, the trial goes out the window.”

“I didn’t try to do anything! This is all your fault.”

“You liked my banner!”

“That was before I knew the explosive nature of it!”

“Hmph…well…see if I invite you to the next party.”

“I never. Want to go. To another party with you. Ever. Again!”

“Joffers! I’m hurt!”

“I’m glad.”

“…..”

“Oh, don’t do that.”

“………..”

“You know I can’t resist that look.”

“………………”

“Fine! I’m sorry!”

“Well, that’s alright then.”

“You weren’t even mildly upset, were you? I hate you and your puppy eyes.”

“You do not. You’re a lying liar who lies.”

“You’re a – no! No! I’m not getting sucked into your childish games.”

“….”

“….”

“….”

“….”

“Say! I’ve just had a thought!”

“I can’t take any more of your thoughts.”

“No, no! This is a good one! There’s a bright side to banishment after all!”

“And what could that possibly be, pray tell?”

“We’re being banished!”

“Yes, I know, Lawrence, that’s not a bright side.”

“No, no! I mean, we. We’ll get to be together forever!”

“…..”

“…..”

“GUARDS! Guards! I’ve changed my mind about my punishment! I want to be imprisoned for life! GUARDS!”