(Photo: Terrible image quality of a high quality act – what can I say? It was a dark room and it was hard to get a picture).

“Yeah, they used to write deep songs about growing apart as friends and navigating that rocky ground of reconnecting when your life, circumstances, and sometimes even you have changed.”

“And now their songs are ‘everything is fire, everything is lit’.”

“Exactly.”

This past weekend, a group of my friends and I watched the highly anticipated return of BTS as they performed a free hour-long concert in Seoul. We did not, in fact, go to Seoul because the prospect of dealing with 269,000 fans was just a bit much. But we did watch it live on Netflix. 

As we waited for the show to start, we chatted about their new album. I’ve been a BTS fan almost since their inception and I think it is important as a fan – of anything really – to be able to recognize strengths and weaknesses of whatever you love. I hate the hive mindset of “if you don’t love absolutely everything that your artist/author/actor produces, then you’re not a real fan.” A “real” fan should be able to critically evaluate what they like and dislike about their artists and not expect perfection all the time (or pretend that their artist is perfect), because no one can live up to that standard.

That soap box aside, as I’ve said, I’ve been a BTS fan for a long time and I genuinely connected with a lot of their songs – I still tear up over “Spring Day,” “First Love,” and “Mikrokosmos.” But I will also say that I haven’t really liked their newer hits like “Dynamite,” “Butter,” or “Permission to Dance” or the albums they’re found on. And their newest album, Arirang, I have to say I only like about four of the songs on there (“Sail” is beautiful and “Normal” makes me sad for BTS, but it feels more genuine). 

Before I get all of BTS’s Army raining down their wrath upon me, I also want to acknowledge that I understand not every song has to be deep and sometime you just want a bop or fun song (aka, like “Dynamite” or “Butter”), but when the whole album reads like it is catering to what’s popular rather than communicating a heartfelt, deep message – especially when that’s been the pattern of past albums – I feel like some of the magic is lost. 

I can’t imagine the pressure the band must be under – they have so much impact and influence and expectation on them, and their oldest member is not yet 34. They too express their own frustration in their new song “They Don’t Know About Us,”: “Ah, you said wе changed? We feel the same.”

Perhaps that’s true to some extent. But just look at the depth and pain written in the “First Love” lyrics:

“I remember back then

We burned up the last of my teen’s

Yes the days when we couldn’t see an inch in front of us

We laughed, we cried

Those days with you, those moments are now in memories

I said, grasping my crushed shoulder

I really can’t do any more

Every time I wanted to give up

By my side you said

Bastard you can really do it

Yeah, yeah I remember back then

When I was fed up and lost

Back then when I fell into a pit of despair

Even when I pushed you away

Even when I resented meeting you

You were firmly by my side

You didn’t have to say anything

So don’t ever let go of my hand

I won’t let you go ever again either

My birth and the end of my life

You will be there to watch over it all”

And compare that to the aforementioned “They Don’t Know About Us” trying to capture the same feeling of pain and lostness: 

“Hold up, chill, and take a bubble bath, bae (Ayy)

Do the math and go, just say what you say (Just say)

Oh, it’s hard and that we cannot explain (Ayy)

Every time we tryna, tryna explain, we find

[Chorus: Jimin, Jung Kook]

They don’t know ’bout us, they don’t know ’bout us (Oh-oh)

They don’t know ’bout us, they don’t know ’bout us (Oh, oh)

They don’t know ’bout us, they don’t know ’bout us (Oh-oh)

They don’t know ’bout us, they don’t know ’bout us”

It’s just not the same. And maybe I’m just being too deeply philosophical about BTS, but I couldn’t help but draw parallels to my own life/writing. I remember writing so much when I was younger and/or in my college days. Granted, some of the stuff that I look back on and read isn’t all that great, but some of it had some good insight and depth that I struggle to reach today. 

Maybe it’s because I’m pressed for time or I know more about the world and it’s harder to be creative and expressive than depressive in this day and age. (It is so much more difficult to write of hope and love, don’t you find?) The cares of life push out the world building and dreams and whimsy and the choppiness of the adult day makes it difficult (though not impossible) to find uninterrupted time to write down all the ideas. 

I’m also not as idealistic as I used to be and reality can crush out even the fearless determination to just try and do something that seems impossible. It takes more effort to cultivate genuine curiosity and put your perspective, desires, pain, and joy into your art.  It takes discipline to truly reflect deeply and write it all out and some days, you just have to content yourself with second best, because at least you got something done – which can be a success in and of itself, in a small way. 

And perhaps that’s what BTS is experiencing right now – all of the fame, pressure, and expectation gives them less time to be reflective. And, despite what they say, maybe they have changed and it is more difficult to mesh all of their differing styles and perspectives into one album. Perhaps they just need some time to rediscover passions away from the pressure of banding together again. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s okay to go through creative slumps and long for the days when both you and your admired artists could produce quality work more readily. And it’s okay to admit when your work isn’t the best, but it is the best that you can do right now. Just keep creating, writing, practicing – it will pay off in the end. 

After all, it’s just like BTS’s “Spring Day” reminds us:

“You know it all, you’re my best friend

The morning will come again

No darkness, no season

Can last forever.”

Also, I’m glad you’re back, BTS, 노무 보고 싶았어요.