The conversation went something like this:
“I haven’t struggled with insomnia like this since my most stressful semester in college.”
“How did you cope then?”
“I muscled through it and got pneumonia at the end of the year.”
“Great.”
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I’m on Day 7 of a 14 day hotel quarantine. This – after several looooong travel days back to Malaysia, including a 10 hour layover in Amsterdam (layovers should really never be longer than 4-5 hours, in my humble opinion), 2 1/2 hours to get through immigration, and an hour long drive to the hotel – is actually quite pleasant for me.
I know, I’m weird.
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The past week and a half has been a whirlwind – scrambling to check in resources, making sure my suitcase is packed, running to get police permission to travel. Finding out I don’t need police permission to travel. Running to another police station to double check – yes, no need for police permission if you take a Grab driver. Making copies of my passport. Printing off plane tickets, getting a COVID test to travel, printing off the COVID test results for traveling. Saying goodbye to all of my classes in back to back Google Hangout meetings, crying over all the people who left.
And then…travel.
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“It’s mango season. Can get so many for little!” This explanation accompanied my friend giving me a bag of three ripe mangos.
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We are fast approaching the end of our school year. We have exactly seven days of school left and the flight to visit home is becoming more real. (I’ll be back, Lord willing, Malaysian friends, just gotta go home this summer and get some well-needed hugs from the fam!).
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It’s been a rough couple of months and I haven’t been wanting to write, but a couple of years ago I read The Book of Delights: Essays by Ross Gay (thanks to my friend, Sarah, for her amazing book recommendations!). I have always wanted to try something similar.
If you’re not familiar with the book, it follow Ross Gay as he tries to write about a “delight” that he finds every day. Not in a toxic positivity, “everything is amazing” way, but rather, what’s something, even if it’s the smallest little thing on the worst day, that delighted him? He covers some amazing topics, including how he finds delight even when he’s experiencing racism or prejudice. He’s deep and you should give him a read.
So, I thought I’d try something similar. Something to lift my spirits and help me not focus so much on the things that are depressing me right now. Something to help me appreciate the little joys and delights a bit more.
It’s not going to be as deep as Ross Gay’s musings. There’s probably not going to be a post every day because I’m struggling to just get work done and finish the school year out as best as I can in a pandemic-ridden world and I know I won’t be able to write every day.
But, if you’re interested, stay tuned. Here’s my first “delight” from a few days ago.
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This is going to be a long one, folks, but I got headings if it helps. 😀 I would also like to insert a little disclaimer here – there’s a LOT of ground to cover and I’m really giving a broad overview of several different topics, so please know that any one of these topics has a lot more to unpack and I’m limited, still ignorant, and definitely unskilled in addressing most of them. I’ve still got a lot to learn, but I want to be having these conversations and engaging in discourse, because silence should not and cannot be the answer anymore.
So. It may not come as a great surprise that I am an avid reader. As a kid and young adult, I consumed books at an alarming rate – so much so that my mom refused to give me new books purchased for travel time before we were actually on the plane or in the car because I would finish them before we ever went anywhere.
My heart is full.
As the year has drawn to a close, I’ve been distracted by school finishing oddly, manically finishing up work, grieving the people who are leaving, grieving opportunities lost, but seeing what my friends are going through back home is compounding that grief and I don’t want to be silent anymore because I am afraid of how I’ll be perceived.
ali oleary 