The conversation went something like this:

“I haven’t struggled with insomnia like this since my most stressful semester in college.”

“How did you cope then?”

“I muscled through it and got pneumonia at the end of the year.”

“Great.”

Insomnia, and various other sleep disorders, unfortunately runs in my family. And the last two weeks it’s been hitting me hard. Like every other night, I’m awake all night. Usually I can pinpoint something that is keeping me up or my brain won’t shut off or I’m super anxious about something.

The last few weeks, I’ve just been awake. Not thinking about anything in particular. Eyes are closed. Room is dark. Bed is comfy. I’m exhausted. But…maddeningly awake. All. Night. Long.

It’s starting to take its toll. Tasks take longer to complete. My words get switched around more often or just come out like nonsense. My throat’s hurting. And it’s getting harder and harder to start the day.

Now at this point, you may be thinking, I thought we were supposed to be talking about Delights, Ali; this is anything but delightful.

Or maybe you weren’t, but I was.

And I’m not here to convince you that insomnia is a blessing. It is most assuredly not because God gives his beloved sleep (Psalm 127:2).

But…it has been a good reminder of my lack of self-sufficiency. Missing a night of sleep is enough to throw off my whole day. I’m so much more aware of human fragility. So much more aware of basic needs that need to be met so we can get through the day.

It’s humbling. It reminds me that I am created. That I’m dependant. That I can do nothing apart from the One who gives me life and health and breath. And that sort of reminder can never be amiss because it sets my eyes on Him.

It’s not particularly fun to be awake all night. And I am praying that rest comes soon. And my sweet friends have been rallying around me with remedies and prayers of their own.

But in the mean time, it is a reminder to look to the One who gives me strength and grace for each day.

“I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come?
 My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.

 He will not let your foot be moved;
    he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

 The Lord is your keeper;
    the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil;
    he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep
    your going out and your coming in
    from this time forth and forevermore” (Psalm 121).