“It’s like they were building you a little shrine, even though you’re still alive,” my friend commented in the aftermath of my telling 2nd grade that I was leaving the school. 

And it really was – I’ve never said goodbye to so many little people at once and their reactions were so heartbreakingly touching. 2nd grade took it upon themselves to start giving me whatever precious treasures they happened to have on hand. This included half-finished bags of candy, a handful of crunchy noodles, some stickers, a piece of cardboard with a drawing on it, and a rock. 

They were just one of the eight classes I visited to tell them that I was leaving Malaysia. And then there was the aftermath of the middle schoolers finding out and forming a circle around me as they chanted “Don’t leave!” – one girl asking, “What in the summoning circle?” while another responded, “We are casting a spell so that she can’t leave!”

Have you ever said goodbye to 100+ students in one day? It is exhausting – I think I went to bed at 8:30 that night. 

But wow, what a privilege and blessing to be exhausted by the love of so many children. As Winnie the Pooh so aptly said, “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

As I reflect over the past five years I’ve spent in Malaysia – and wow! I can’t even believe it’s been five years – I am amazed at the goodness of God. He led me to a land and a school and a job that I have never experienced before and He showed me just how powerful He is in the midst of my weakness. 

I was totally overwhelmed – completely new to being a librarian in a school that had never had a librarian and had to create a curriculum and program from scratch: nothing that I would ever be able to do on my own.

Throw into the mix that I only had six months of normalcy before Covid hit and what a rollercoaster it has been ever since. 

The last five years have taught me that in my weakness, God is strong. They’ve proven the faithfulness of the Lord over and over, whether it be through the amazing community He gave me here; the church He connected me with; the precious students who make me laugh every day; the food and the beauty of Malaysia – it has been blessing upon blessing. 

It has not been easy, but I have indeed seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of living. 

So why leave?

Back in the fall, I had the sense that my time in Malaysia was coming to a close. I had my library program where I wanted it to be and I was ready for a new challenge. A friend was also considering leaving at that time, so we decided to job hunt together. 

When I first came to Malaysia, I was actually aiming for South Korea, but never found an opportunity that fit. Since I’ve always had a desire to live in South Korea (no one in my family really knows where that desire came from), I tentatively started looking there. I knew I didn’t want to do something that God did not call me to – as Moses wisely stated in Exodus 33:15, “If your presence does not go with us, don’t bring us up from here.” 

And at first, it didn’t seem like anything was going to happen. While there were a plethora of English teaching jobs available, librarian jobs are hard to find and I really wanted to keep being a librarian. 

Then my friend found a posting for a secondary librarian position and sent it my way. The deadline for the application closed in two weeks so it was a scramble to get all of my references (because hey, I also had to tell my references I was leaving) and update my resume and send off all the needed paperwork. 

There’s a lot more to that story, but the long and short of it is – I got a job at a wonderful school and I will be moving to South Korea in July. 

I can hardly believe it. 

The Lord’s provision amazes me every time and I just see His hand at work more and more. 

The past few months have been spent starting what our school calls the RAFTing process – Reconciling (mending any relationship rifts), Affirming (telling people how much you love them and appreciate what they do), Farewell (saying goodbye to places, pets, people, etc.), and Thinking Destination (what comes next/how to prepare).  Slowly but surely I’ve been visiting all the places I love here for the last time; having lunches and dinners with dear friends; saying yes to a lot more social activities because I want to make sure that I make time for all of the people who have loved me so well; and downsizing/selling/giving away possessions so that I can fit everything back into the few suitcases I took with me to Malaysia. 

I’m excited about Korea – I love the food, the beauty, and the culture of that country. I’m terribly nervous about my job – it’s a whole new curriculum (IB) and much I can’t learn until I’m actually doing it. I’m also a bit anxious that I’m uprooting all of the support systems that I have made over the last five years and starting over again. 

But I also know, rationally, that’s not true. I’ll still have these beautiful friendships – though they will translate to long distance and may not be in contact as frequently. But we’re already planning a Chuseok (the Korean equivalent of Thanksgiving) reunion and potential meetups in Korea since international school fairs are frequent. I also know that whatever goodbyes we say on earth are not permanent as we shall all one day be reunited because we have been joined together by the same faith. 

And I know that He who brought me safe thus far will continue to provide, lead, and direct me wherever my journey takes me next. He who promised is faithful and I can trust in His care. 

As T.S. Eliot puts it, “Not fare well, But fare forward, voyagers.”